Having sex not out of desire for the physical pleasure or emotional closeness but because you like feeling wanted.
OR: preferring to ‘be a tease’ to feel wanted but feeling like following through is a chore
Having to be drunk or high to have sex with men
The idea of kissing, cuddling, dating and/or having sex with men is really scary/anxiety inducing, and the idea of doing any of those things with women isn’t (or is noticeably less scary)
Your fantasies about men still somehow turn out to be a little gay. Maybe you’re penetrating him, you don’t have to look at his face/don’t want to look at his face, you want a threesome with another woman, he’s very feminine, etc. It might be a “straight fantasy” but you’ve altered it in a way straight people might not be totally interested in.
Thinking because you don't like/pursue sex with men you must be asexual. Or vice versa with romance for men.
Your fantasies about men give you intense distress or anxiety. They could be intrusive thoughts, forms of self-harm, or otherwise.
When I think about guys, I think about all the things that I could tolerate doing with them (dating, kissing, sex, marriage) but always in terms of what I could force myself to do, not what I want to do.
Being around guys that are interested in me gives me intense anxiety.
Feeling weird/wrong calling your past boyfriends pet names or showing them PDA, but gladly showing your girl friends PDA.
Only being comfortable with sex with men if there’s an extreme power imbalance and your desires aren’t centred.
Using sex with men as a form of self-harm
You don’t have much of an emotional reaction to kissing or being otherwise physical with a man, or you even dislike/hate it
Feeling numb or dissociating or crying during/after sex with men (even if you don’t understand that reaction and think you’re fine and crying etc for no reason)
Being bored with sex with men/not understanding what the big deal is that makes other women want it
Doing it anyway out of obligation or a desire to be a good sport/do something nice for him
Never/rarely having sexual fantasies about specific men, preferring to leave them as undetailed as possible or not thinking about men at all while fantasizing
Having to make a concerted effort to fantasize about the guy you’re “attracted” to